Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Source
Writing this blog is sort of like cooking a big pot of vegetable soup. The ideas sort of simmer for a while then pop one comes to the surface like the bubbles of the boiling liquid. This one I title Source. You might think of it as Creator, God, Goddess, the Universe or any other name you want to describe it in your life. All of my needs at met by my Source. I am amazed by the avenue the Source uses to pour these into my life. Emotional: when I am having a tough time I can count on friends and family calling out of the blue to talk to me. I find the perfect song or book that guides me on the path a little further with much encouragement. Every need it met abundantly. I sometimes wonder why I ever have doubted it. Financial: This really blows me away. I do little dances when something financial happens. Hey I should do that for the emotional needs that are met as well. I had read a book about ABUNDANCE and I kept seeing the word as A BUN DANCE! so I dance! dance! dance! wiggling my bun! I have had my financial needs met through employment, unemployment, government assistance, friends, family and perfect strangers along the road. What I have been thinking about this is I must remember not to look to any avenue as my Source. Just because the Source has used a certain way to meet my needs does not mean that the Source will always use that avenue. I think this really frees me up to being true to who I am and to keep on the path that is designed just for me! Keep the focus on the Source, not people, places or things. This is not a one sided deal either. I get so excited when I am used by the Source as an avenue to meet the needs of others. Actually that is the best thing! Dance! Dance! Dance!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Kindred Spirits
Venturing out for the first time in a couple of days was refreshing. Being a readaholic one of my many stops was at Barnes and Noble. First to the art books then to the self-help books. One that caught my eye is titled "When the Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter" by Judith R. Bernstein Ph.D. I usually avoid grief books but this one seemed different. While reading the introduction my heart began racing and the tears rolled down my cheek.. I begged them to stop I did not want to have a complete sob fest in the book store. I put the book back on the shelf and walked quickly to the bathroom to get something to wipe away the tears. Breathe deeply change your thoughts you can get through this I told myself. One of the tools that my counselor gave me when going through counseling after the death of my 18 year old son Andrew in 2003 was to set aside a time during the week when I could feel free to grieve. I was so afraid to do things because I thought I might just break down in public and scare the people around me.
7 Jars of Peanut Butter is based on the premise that everything I need is provided for me. I knew this book was one of them. I have still not gotten past the introduction but I would like to share some of it with you. Judith R. Berstein Ph.D. is a psychologist whose son died in 1987 at the age of 26 of cancer.
"For the first months, we were wrapped in the warm blanket of caring friends and family. Later, we were lost. How are we to live with this for the rest of our lives? Will the crushing ache in my chest ever lessen? Can we ever return to our old selves, involved in the lives of our daughters, caring about our work, hobbies, friends, or the changing of seasons?
How is it possible to get from this day to a time when you are once again able to enjoy the colors of a rainbow? And after the holocaust of grief has spent its wrath, can those colors ever be quite the same again?"
"Experts were saying we should return to normal after six months or a year, two at most. I asked myself how you ever get over this? What can be normal again after you've lost a son?"
"We know that we will never get over our grief and return to our old selves. But there is nothing written about how we evolve and what we become as a result of having our lives turned inside-out by the death of our children."
This book is about her research on long term parental bereavement. She interviewed parents who had lost a child who was at least 2 years old and it had been over 5 years since their death.
"Basically, I learned that most of us do get back on track after being derailed by the death of our children, However, it is not the track on which we had been traveling before our children died. Often we have an altered destination, new insights, new traveling companions, and new reasons for being on the trip at all.
We know that our grief will never end. We will mourn for our children every day for the rest of our lives. We will never return to normal. But we will live again. We will be able to enjoy the bittersweet colors of a sunset. We may be productive. Laughter is not out of the question. Life will be forever colored by what has happened. For every parent who loses a child, one life ended and another life is indelibly changed. This is the story of that change."
This is what I have told everyone who asks me does it get easier with time? I say NO! You just learn new ways of dealing with it.
"Our attitudes toward life change dramatically following a trauma. We don't get over a trauma; we adapt our way of thinking and feeling about the world as a consequence."
"Along with "overcome"' the word "recovery" is often seen in association with grief. The premise of the current study is that grief, or any major trauma for that matter, is never overcome nor does recovery take place. The course of healing involves integrating the trauma, not overcoming it."
" We cannot be sad to recover, in the sense of returning to a former self, from any major trauma. Trauma as shattering and cataclysmic as losing a child, as rape or abuse, as addiction, as natural disaster, and so forth, leaves indelible imprints on our lives. We are not the same having traveled that road as we would have been had we been spared the journey."
"This book will not talk of recovery. The premise of this book is that the word is a misnomer and creates a fictitious mind-set: that major loss is ultimately wrapped in a neat package and segregated from the rest of the experience until it goes away."
"People don't recover; they adapt. They alter their values, attitudes, perceptions, relationships, and beliefs, with the result that they are substantially different from the people they once were."
"The bereaved parent has to come to terms with a world in which it is possible for children to die, a world of different hopes and dreams, a world of muted sunsets. The victim never see life through the same lens again. If you look at it that way, it becomes foolish to ask when victims of trauma should be over it. If we are to help and understand trauma victims, should we not ask instead where they are in the process of learning to live with what happened? Where is that process in five, ten, thirty years? These are the questions I set out to ask."
I know I am quoting a lot from her book. AND it is just the introduction! Last year one of my goal rocks was to find kindred spirits. I thought it would be my creative art friends. I am finding several of them are my grieving parent friends.
"Years ago I was out of the country for several months. When I got to Customs at Kennedy Airport, the inspector smiled warmly and said, "Welcome Home!" The moment brought tears to my eyes. It was so good to be home. That is the same feeling I got in meeting the parents for these interviews, that it was so good to be home. That same sentiment is expressed by many of the parents; when they are with another bereaved parent they feel connected to a kindred spirit, someone who is on the same wavelength and speaks the same language; they feel at home. In our workaday world no one sees the aspect of us that is bereaved parent. A time progresses, we speak less and less frequently of the children we lost; yet those children are aften no further from our hearts that our surviving children. When we meet other beeaved parents, we're home--with people who know that language and who understand the subleties foreigners can never truly know. We can show each other pictures of the child we lost. Despite differences in age, religious beliefs, education, and all other variables that usually define our social affiliations, there is a bond. The strength of that sense of connection surprised me. Many of the interviews ended with a spontaneous hug."
While driving across the U. S. of A. I have thought about interviewing those friends and families behind the roadside markers where a death has occurred due to an accident. I know they all have a story to tell. Now the thought could be kindred spirits as well.
"I learned a great deal from the parents I interiewed. I learned that I am not crazy when I see a young bearded man in the supermarket who looks just like Steven and I follow him up and down the aisles grateful for a moment with my son. I learned that I won't ever get over that feeling. I learned that I can live with that and still revel in the day. I learned that people have an aspiring level of generosity, a strength of character, a capacity to be nourishing to others when they themselves are depleted. I am indepted to the kindred spirits who accompanied me on this journey and taught me so much."
So looking forward to reading this book. I know it is what I need for my journey right now. My goal is to motivate people to reach their highest on the path that is theirs!
7 Jars of Peanut Butter is based on the premise that everything I need is provided for me. I knew this book was one of them. I have still not gotten past the introduction but I would like to share some of it with you. Judith R. Berstein Ph.D. is a psychologist whose son died in 1987 at the age of 26 of cancer.
"For the first months, we were wrapped in the warm blanket of caring friends and family. Later, we were lost. How are we to live with this for the rest of our lives? Will the crushing ache in my chest ever lessen? Can we ever return to our old selves, involved in the lives of our daughters, caring about our work, hobbies, friends, or the changing of seasons?
How is it possible to get from this day to a time when you are once again able to enjoy the colors of a rainbow? And after the holocaust of grief has spent its wrath, can those colors ever be quite the same again?"
"Experts were saying we should return to normal after six months or a year, two at most. I asked myself how you ever get over this? What can be normal again after you've lost a son?"
"We know that we will never get over our grief and return to our old selves. But there is nothing written about how we evolve and what we become as a result of having our lives turned inside-out by the death of our children."
This book is about her research on long term parental bereavement. She interviewed parents who had lost a child who was at least 2 years old and it had been over 5 years since their death.
"Basically, I learned that most of us do get back on track after being derailed by the death of our children, However, it is not the track on which we had been traveling before our children died. Often we have an altered destination, new insights, new traveling companions, and new reasons for being on the trip at all.
We know that our grief will never end. We will mourn for our children every day for the rest of our lives. We will never return to normal. But we will live again. We will be able to enjoy the bittersweet colors of a sunset. We may be productive. Laughter is not out of the question. Life will be forever colored by what has happened. For every parent who loses a child, one life ended and another life is indelibly changed. This is the story of that change."
This is what I have told everyone who asks me does it get easier with time? I say NO! You just learn new ways of dealing with it.
"Our attitudes toward life change dramatically following a trauma. We don't get over a trauma; we adapt our way of thinking and feeling about the world as a consequence."
"Along with "overcome"' the word "recovery" is often seen in association with grief. The premise of the current study is that grief, or any major trauma for that matter, is never overcome nor does recovery take place. The course of healing involves integrating the trauma, not overcoming it."
" We cannot be sad to recover, in the sense of returning to a former self, from any major trauma. Trauma as shattering and cataclysmic as losing a child, as rape or abuse, as addiction, as natural disaster, and so forth, leaves indelible imprints on our lives. We are not the same having traveled that road as we would have been had we been spared the journey."
"This book will not talk of recovery. The premise of this book is that the word is a misnomer and creates a fictitious mind-set: that major loss is ultimately wrapped in a neat package and segregated from the rest of the experience until it goes away."
"People don't recover; they adapt. They alter their values, attitudes, perceptions, relationships, and beliefs, with the result that they are substantially different from the people they once were."
"The bereaved parent has to come to terms with a world in which it is possible for children to die, a world of different hopes and dreams, a world of muted sunsets. The victim never see life through the same lens again. If you look at it that way, it becomes foolish to ask when victims of trauma should be over it. If we are to help and understand trauma victims, should we not ask instead where they are in the process of learning to live with what happened? Where is that process in five, ten, thirty years? These are the questions I set out to ask."
I know I am quoting a lot from her book. AND it is just the introduction! Last year one of my goal rocks was to find kindred spirits. I thought it would be my creative art friends. I am finding several of them are my grieving parent friends.
"Years ago I was out of the country for several months. When I got to Customs at Kennedy Airport, the inspector smiled warmly and said, "Welcome Home!" The moment brought tears to my eyes. It was so good to be home. That is the same feeling I got in meeting the parents for these interviews, that it was so good to be home. That same sentiment is expressed by many of the parents; when they are with another bereaved parent they feel connected to a kindred spirit, someone who is on the same wavelength and speaks the same language; they feel at home. In our workaday world no one sees the aspect of us that is bereaved parent. A time progresses, we speak less and less frequently of the children we lost; yet those children are aften no further from our hearts that our surviving children. When we meet other beeaved parents, we're home--with people who know that language and who understand the subleties foreigners can never truly know. We can show each other pictures of the child we lost. Despite differences in age, religious beliefs, education, and all other variables that usually define our social affiliations, there is a bond. The strength of that sense of connection surprised me. Many of the interviews ended with a spontaneous hug."
While driving across the U. S. of A. I have thought about interviewing those friends and families behind the roadside markers where a death has occurred due to an accident. I know they all have a story to tell. Now the thought could be kindred spirits as well.
"I learned a great deal from the parents I interiewed. I learned that I am not crazy when I see a young bearded man in the supermarket who looks just like Steven and I follow him up and down the aisles grateful for a moment with my son. I learned that I won't ever get over that feeling. I learned that I can live with that and still revel in the day. I learned that people have an aspiring level of generosity, a strength of character, a capacity to be nourishing to others when they themselves are depleted. I am indepted to the kindred spirits who accompanied me on this journey and taught me so much."
So looking forward to reading this book. I know it is what I need for my journey right now. My goal is to motivate people to reach their highest on the path that is theirs!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
46 Things to learn in 2010
Okay folks I don't have to make up a new list from last year just add a few more things onto it. While I accomplished and did learn masses I strayed from my list a bit last year! Below is my list from last year with added tidbits from me!
45 things to learn in 2009
One of my friend Cindy's favorite blogs is 37 Days. I went there to check it out and she encouraged you to learn in 2009 as many things as your age. Since I am (shhhh....45) years old I made a list of the 45 things I would like to learn this year. Man that seems like a lot of things to learn in one year. I do love learning new things so here they go! I encourage you to make your own learning list.
1. Learn to play tennis. 1.On the list for 2010. I did not even pick up a racket all year!
2. Learn conversational Spanish. 2.On the list for 2010. I did learn some phrases but not enough for a conversation. Meet some spanish speaking friends to help me out with this!
3. Learn how to jog a half marathon. 3.On the list for 2010. Ha! I don't even think I jogged once in 2009.
4. Learn photo shop. 4.On the list for 2010. With my new camera I really want to learn this!
5. Learn to play guitar. 5. On the list for 2010. I should probably purchase one for this goal!
6. Learn salsa dancing. 6. On the list for 2010.
7. Learn to scuba dive. 7.On the list for 2010. I did snorkel that is a step in the right direction!
8. Learn how to make an organic garden. 8.On the list for 2010.
9. Learn to say NO! CHECK!! This was not an easy one to do but it does make me feel empowered. I can make my own choices and sometimes it is as simple as saying NO!
10. Learn to sew. (My mom is laughing very loud right now!) 9. On the list for 2010.
11. Learn to water ski. 10. On the list for 2010.
12. Learn to snow ski. 11. On the list for 2010.
13. Learn how to make jewelry.CHECK!
14. Learn how to do watercolors. 13. Still on the list for 2010. I did dabble a bit in them!
15. Learn how to make my hair look nice everyday! 14. On the list for 2010. My wild hair drives me crazy!
16. Learn how to do my nails. 15. On the list for 2010. By doing them I mean more them chewing on them...lol!
17. Learn how to jet ski. 16. On the list for 2010.
18. Learn stand up comedy. 17.On the list for 2010.
19. Learn how to act in a play. 18. On the list for 2010.
20. Learn how to sing. 19. On the list for 2010. I sang a lot but did not get any professional training!
21. Learn how to use an iPod. 20. On the list for 2010. I need to get one first!
22. Learn how to love better. CHECK! Myself at the top of this list!
23. Learn some art history. CHECK! I have loved the art history I have learned at the art museums I have visited across the U.S of A.
24. Learn how to write poetry. 21. On the list for 2010! I have been writing in 2009 not sure just how poetic it is.
25. Learn more about holistic healing. CHECK!
26. Learn to let go. CHECK!
27. Learn that I am ENOUGH! CHECK!
28. Learn how to live a Goddess life. 22. I want this on my list for 2010. I would give it a half of a check for 2009!
29. Learn to live simple. CHECK! I gave away almost all my stuff!
30. Learn to drum. 23. On the list for 2010. I panned for gold in California instead!
31. Learn to do public speaking..motivational! 24. On the list for 2010. I shared my story with many people in 2009 working on the public part!
32. Learn to design clothes. 25.On the list for2010. Love love love fun clothes!
33. Learn to design shoes. 26. On the list for 2010. I still love shoes!
34. Learn the settings on my camera. 27. On the list for 2010. I received a different camera for Christmas this year.
35. Learn to embrace life. CHECK! LOVE life living it EACH day!
36. Learn to forgive. CHECK! Myself was on the top of this list! I have been way too hard on myself for way too long.
37. Learn Native American culture. CHECK! Traveling west across the United States of America was a real eye opener for me!
38. Learn to sky dive. 28. On the list for 2010. I flew out of the country for the first time but did not jump!
39. Learn to mountain climb. 29. On the list for 2010. I did go hiking in Tennessee with my brother this past summer.
40. Learn white water rafting. 30. On the list for 2010. I did go canoeing!
41. Learn to horseback ride. 31. On the list for 2010. Was not on a horse once in 2009.
42. Learn to surf. 32. On the list for 1020. I swam in the Pacific Ocean for the first time does that count?
43. Learn to play more. CHECK! I did this one!
44. Learn to belly dance. 33. On the list for 2010.
45. Learn to remember my dreams. CHECK! I did remember more dreams this year. I even wrote them down!
34. Learn to use my etsy shop to sell my creations.
35. Learn how to have an art show.
36. Learn how to write a book.
37. Learn how to keep kindred spirits close to me.
38. Learn how to knit.
39. Learn to listen to my physical body's needs.
40. Learn to sail a boat.
41. Learn to trust my instincts all the time.
42. Learn peace making.
43. Learn how to use an iphone.
44. Learn story telling.
45. Learn candlemaking.
46. Learn to fly an airplane.
45 things to learn in 2009
One of my friend Cindy's favorite blogs is 37 Days. I went there to check it out and she encouraged you to learn in 2009 as many things as your age. Since I am (shhhh....45) years old I made a list of the 45 things I would like to learn this year. Man that seems like a lot of things to learn in one year. I do love learning new things so here they go! I encourage you to make your own learning list.
1. Learn to play tennis. 1.On the list for 2010. I did not even pick up a racket all year!
2. Learn conversational Spanish. 2.On the list for 2010. I did learn some phrases but not enough for a conversation. Meet some spanish speaking friends to help me out with this!
3. Learn how to jog a half marathon. 3.On the list for 2010. Ha! I don't even think I jogged once in 2009.
4. Learn photo shop. 4.On the list for 2010. With my new camera I really want to learn this!
5. Learn to play guitar. 5. On the list for 2010. I should probably purchase one for this goal!
6. Learn salsa dancing. 6. On the list for 2010.
7. Learn to scuba dive. 7.On the list for 2010. I did snorkel that is a step in the right direction!
8. Learn how to make an organic garden. 8.On the list for 2010.
9. Learn to say NO! CHECK!! This was not an easy one to do but it does make me feel empowered. I can make my own choices and sometimes it is as simple as saying NO!
10. Learn to sew. (My mom is laughing very loud right now!) 9. On the list for 2010.
11. Learn to water ski. 10. On the list for 2010.
12. Learn to snow ski. 11. On the list for 2010.
13. Learn how to make jewelry.CHECK!
14. Learn how to do watercolors. 13. Still on the list for 2010. I did dabble a bit in them!
15. Learn how to make my hair look nice everyday! 14. On the list for 2010. My wild hair drives me crazy!
16. Learn how to do my nails. 15. On the list for 2010. By doing them I mean more them chewing on them...lol!
17. Learn how to jet ski. 16. On the list for 2010.
18. Learn stand up comedy. 17.On the list for 2010.
19. Learn how to act in a play. 18. On the list for 2010.
20. Learn how to sing. 19. On the list for 2010. I sang a lot but did not get any professional training!
21. Learn how to use an iPod. 20. On the list for 2010. I need to get one first!
22. Learn how to love better. CHECK! Myself at the top of this list!
23. Learn some art history. CHECK! I have loved the art history I have learned at the art museums I have visited across the U.S of A.
24. Learn how to write poetry. 21. On the list for 2010! I have been writing in 2009 not sure just how poetic it is.
25. Learn more about holistic healing. CHECK!
26. Learn to let go. CHECK!
27. Learn that I am ENOUGH! CHECK!
28. Learn how to live a Goddess life. 22. I want this on my list for 2010. I would give it a half of a check for 2009!
29. Learn to live simple. CHECK! I gave away almost all my stuff!
30. Learn to drum. 23. On the list for 2010. I panned for gold in California instead!
31. Learn to do public speaking..motivational! 24. On the list for 2010. I shared my story with many people in 2009 working on the public part!
32. Learn to design clothes. 25.On the list for2010. Love love love fun clothes!
33. Learn to design shoes. 26. On the list for 2010. I still love shoes!
34. Learn the settings on my camera. 27. On the list for 2010. I received a different camera for Christmas this year.
35. Learn to embrace life. CHECK! LOVE life living it EACH day!
36. Learn to forgive. CHECK! Myself was on the top of this list! I have been way too hard on myself for way too long.
37. Learn Native American culture. CHECK! Traveling west across the United States of America was a real eye opener for me!
38. Learn to sky dive. 28. On the list for 2010. I flew out of the country for the first time but did not jump!
39. Learn to mountain climb. 29. On the list for 2010. I did go hiking in Tennessee with my brother this past summer.
40. Learn white water rafting. 30. On the list for 2010. I did go canoeing!
41. Learn to horseback ride. 31. On the list for 2010. Was not on a horse once in 2009.
42. Learn to surf. 32. On the list for 1020. I swam in the Pacific Ocean for the first time does that count?
43. Learn to play more. CHECK! I did this one!
44. Learn to belly dance. 33. On the list for 2010.
45. Learn to remember my dreams. CHECK! I did remember more dreams this year. I even wrote them down!
34. Learn to use my etsy shop to sell my creations.
35. Learn how to have an art show.
36. Learn how to write a book.
37. Learn how to keep kindred spirits close to me.
38. Learn how to knit.
39. Learn to listen to my physical body's needs.
40. Learn to sail a boat.
41. Learn to trust my instincts all the time.
42. Learn peace making.
43. Learn how to use an iphone.
44. Learn story telling.
45. Learn candlemaking.
46. Learn to fly an airplane.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Slumdog Millionaire
This is a repeat blog. I received the DVD for a present and thought this was worth repeating.
While going through "The Artist Way" course I have been taking my artist self on "dates". I am not sure how to "date" so I just do what seems like fun at the time.
I had heard that the movie "Slumdog Millionaire" was a must see movie. Oprah had said it is a love story like no other you have ever seen. Since one of my goal rocks for 2009 is LOVE decided to go see it. I rarely go to a movie theater but I would have to say it is better that way. I tend to fall asleep when I am watching a movie at home.
I don't want to ruin the experience for others but I want to tell how it impacted my life. I did cry during the movie, but when I got in my car after the movie I sobbed.
The movie is gut wrenching to say the least. My stomach was in knots several times. The story is set in India and is based on their version of the game show "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire". The contestant on the show is from the bottom of society in India. They are amazed because he is able to know the answer to the questions and he keeps moving up the ladder of questions on the game show. While not giving too much of the movie to you he knows the answers because of every BAD thing that has happened to him in his life.
My sobbing experience in the car was a personal one that I took from the movie....I know the answers to all the BIG questions in my life because of all the "BAD" things that have happened in my life. Sobbing because my life is not just a jumbled mess...it has a plan.... it has a purpose.
As you can probably tell I highly recommend this movie. Just be ready for the full range of emotions to course through your body. When you do see it let me know I want to talk about it to somebody!!
While going through "The Artist Way" course I have been taking my artist self on "dates". I am not sure how to "date" so I just do what seems like fun at the time.
I had heard that the movie "Slumdog Millionaire" was a must see movie. Oprah had said it is a love story like no other you have ever seen. Since one of my goal rocks for 2009 is LOVE decided to go see it. I rarely go to a movie theater but I would have to say it is better that way. I tend to fall asleep when I am watching a movie at home.
I don't want to ruin the experience for others but I want to tell how it impacted my life. I did cry during the movie, but when I got in my car after the movie I sobbed.
The movie is gut wrenching to say the least. My stomach was in knots several times. The story is set in India and is based on their version of the game show "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire". The contestant on the show is from the bottom of society in India. They are amazed because he is able to know the answer to the questions and he keeps moving up the ladder of questions on the game show. While not giving too much of the movie to you he knows the answers because of every BAD thing that has happened to him in his life.
My sobbing experience in the car was a personal one that I took from the movie....I know the answers to all the BIG questions in my life because of all the "BAD" things that have happened in my life. Sobbing because my life is not just a jumbled mess...it has a plan.... it has a purpose.
As you can probably tell I highly recommend this movie. Just be ready for the full range of emotions to course through your body. When you do see it let me know I want to talk about it to somebody!!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Plan
Still thinking about my life having a plan and a purpose. I think back to when my daughter Bethany was in her auto accident. She was 15 at the time. The timing and placement of people in our path could not have been more beautiful.
It was New Year's Eve 2000/2001. Bethany was in Portland at her dad's for the weekend. I had a guy coming to my apartment to take me to a party that my sister invited me to in Anderson. This was very special to me...you see I have never had a "date" for New Years Eve nor had I ever been to a New Years Eve party (I am still waiting on these...but that is another post entirely!) The guy never showed up at my apartment...I had been stood up on New Years Eve. I felt awful. I was still planning on going to the party but it would be later. I fixed myself a drink to calm down my mind and heart.
While sitting there sipping it the phone rang I thought it was the guy...my heart sank when I heard my dad's voice. "Lisa, Bethany has been in an accident and they have life lined her to Ft. Wayne." "Which hospital in Ft. Wayne? I asked. He was not sure. Mike Weesner, a neighbor of my dad's and a family friend had been an emergency responder at the accident and had recognized Bethany and contacted my dad.
I called Jay County Hospital to try and find out which hospital they had flown her to. I talked to a nurse Carla Runyon in the emergency room who I "just" happened to of graduated high school with. Her daughter was the same age as Bethany so she knew Bethany well. Talking to her later she said she had to leave the room and cry a few times taking care of Bethany. She told me Bethany was awake and talking to her but that she was pretty bad. They had flown her to Parkview Hospital.
I called my friend Barb Barton and told her. She told me to come through Portland on my way to Ft. Wayne and she would go with me. We drove her car as well because mine was an old college car that was best for in town driving. It was nice having someone to talk to to keep my mind focused on driving. When we get to Parkview they tell me to sit down in the waiting room so the chaplain can take me back. What the hell do I need a chaplain for? As we waited I told Barb I can't do this... I can't bury one of my kids. We watched the ball drop on the TV before the chaplain came to get me. He took me and the rest of the family that had arrived in the meantime back. My dad and his friend, Sharon was already back there with Bethany. What a relief she was alive and had people with her. I leaned over her and started talking to her. She said "Mom whatever happens remember I love you." Then she started cussing at the people in the emergency room to get her some water to drink. I knew she was going to be okay at this point.
Bethany had several injuries, a fractured skull, broken wrist, collapsed lung, her liver was pulverized, kidney bruised, she had several lacerations all over her body, her ear drum was busted, her teeth were chipped, her eye swollen shut. It has been 8 years so I am sure I am missing somethings. They did not have to do any surgeries on her. They told us that they have found that the body heals itself remarkably. They just did scans every 15 minutes for a while to make sure the bleeding was stopping on its own.
Later we found out about Bethany's two angels, Dave and Linda Stoner (that is what she calls them). They had been driving home early from a New Years Eve party when they saw a van in the ditch. They checked in it and did not find anyone. They thought that it had probably been already taken care of. They decided to drive up to the next house just to make sure. When they were driving away Dave noticed something up under the trees. He ran over and put his coat over Bethany and told his wife to go call 911. He said he just kept talking to Bethany until the emergency team got there. The two other kids who had been in the van with Bethany had gotten scared when the van wrecked. The van had been stolen by one of them and they thought Bethany was dead. They had drug her body up under the trees. I look back on it and think the trees probably protected her from some of the cold that night.
During her 10 day stay in the intensive care unit we had tons of friends and family doing all they could to help us. Another person placed gently in our path was a former pastor of my sister him and his wife had moved to Ft. Wayne. I was able to go to their house and take a shower and have a small break when they could finally get me to leave the hospital.
I was suppose to start a new semester in college during this time. My sister knew people who were also going to the same college as me and they found out who I needed to contact. What a blessing. The guy was a journalism major and even wrote an article for Ball States magazine about my experience.
The carefully orchestrated symphony.
1st ...guy who did not show up.
2nd...scared kids who put her under cold protecting trees.
3rd....angels who found her.
4th...neighbor who knew her.
5th...my dad actually being home.
6th...me actually being home.
7th...nurse who knew us...and cared deeply.
8th...Barb actually being home and going with me and letting me drive her dependable car.
9th...grandpa and Sharon being with Bethany when they would not let me see her.
10th...being at a hospital that believes in modern medicine that allows the body to heal itself.
11th...former pastors who move to the right city.
12th...friends who go to the right college.
13th...everyone who did the right things.
It was New Year's Eve 2000/2001. Bethany was in Portland at her dad's for the weekend. I had a guy coming to my apartment to take me to a party that my sister invited me to in Anderson. This was very special to me...you see I have never had a "date" for New Years Eve nor had I ever been to a New Years Eve party (I am still waiting on these...but that is another post entirely!) The guy never showed up at my apartment...I had been stood up on New Years Eve. I felt awful. I was still planning on going to the party but it would be later. I fixed myself a drink to calm down my mind and heart.
While sitting there sipping it the phone rang I thought it was the guy...my heart sank when I heard my dad's voice. "Lisa, Bethany has been in an accident and they have life lined her to Ft. Wayne." "Which hospital in Ft. Wayne? I asked. He was not sure. Mike Weesner, a neighbor of my dad's and a family friend had been an emergency responder at the accident and had recognized Bethany and contacted my dad.
I called Jay County Hospital to try and find out which hospital they had flown her to. I talked to a nurse Carla Runyon in the emergency room who I "just" happened to of graduated high school with. Her daughter was the same age as Bethany so she knew Bethany well. Talking to her later she said she had to leave the room and cry a few times taking care of Bethany. She told me Bethany was awake and talking to her but that she was pretty bad. They had flown her to Parkview Hospital.
I called my friend Barb Barton and told her. She told me to come through Portland on my way to Ft. Wayne and she would go with me. We drove her car as well because mine was an old college car that was best for in town driving. It was nice having someone to talk to to keep my mind focused on driving. When we get to Parkview they tell me to sit down in the waiting room so the chaplain can take me back. What the hell do I need a chaplain for? As we waited I told Barb I can't do this... I can't bury one of my kids. We watched the ball drop on the TV before the chaplain came to get me. He took me and the rest of the family that had arrived in the meantime back. My dad and his friend, Sharon was already back there with Bethany. What a relief she was alive and had people with her. I leaned over her and started talking to her. She said "Mom whatever happens remember I love you." Then she started cussing at the people in the emergency room to get her some water to drink. I knew she was going to be okay at this point.
Bethany had several injuries, a fractured skull, broken wrist, collapsed lung, her liver was pulverized, kidney bruised, she had several lacerations all over her body, her ear drum was busted, her teeth were chipped, her eye swollen shut. It has been 8 years so I am sure I am missing somethings. They did not have to do any surgeries on her. They told us that they have found that the body heals itself remarkably. They just did scans every 15 minutes for a while to make sure the bleeding was stopping on its own.
Later we found out about Bethany's two angels, Dave and Linda Stoner (that is what she calls them). They had been driving home early from a New Years Eve party when they saw a van in the ditch. They checked in it and did not find anyone. They thought that it had probably been already taken care of. They decided to drive up to the next house just to make sure. When they were driving away Dave noticed something up under the trees. He ran over and put his coat over Bethany and told his wife to go call 911. He said he just kept talking to Bethany until the emergency team got there. The two other kids who had been in the van with Bethany had gotten scared when the van wrecked. The van had been stolen by one of them and they thought Bethany was dead. They had drug her body up under the trees. I look back on it and think the trees probably protected her from some of the cold that night.
During her 10 day stay in the intensive care unit we had tons of friends and family doing all they could to help us. Another person placed gently in our path was a former pastor of my sister him and his wife had moved to Ft. Wayne. I was able to go to their house and take a shower and have a small break when they could finally get me to leave the hospital.
I was suppose to start a new semester in college during this time. My sister knew people who were also going to the same college as me and they found out who I needed to contact. What a blessing. The guy was a journalism major and even wrote an article for Ball States magazine about my experience.
The carefully orchestrated symphony.
1st ...guy who did not show up.
2nd...scared kids who put her under cold protecting trees.
3rd....angels who found her.
4th...neighbor who knew her.
5th...my dad actually being home.
6th...me actually being home.
7th...nurse who knew us...and cared deeply.
8th...Barb actually being home and going with me and letting me drive her dependable car.
9th...grandpa and Sharon being with Bethany when they would not let me see her.
10th...being at a hospital that believes in modern medicine that allows the body to heal itself.
11th...former pastors who move to the right city.
12th...friends who go to the right college.
13th...everyone who did the right things.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Speed Dating N.E.X.T.
One of my favorite sayings that my daughter uses is "Men are like McDonalds Drive Thru...N.E.X.T!" I think it is the very modern way of saying there are more out there if you don't work out. Last night at my Speed Dating experience I said N.E.X.T. thru the 7 men there.
Example number one. There were questions on the table that you could ask. I choose "If you were an animal in the wild what would you be?" After much thought the man said 'a honeybee". N.E.X.T.
Example number two. The man said there were three of us boys and it is a surprise that my mom is still sane we were such dicks. N.E.X.T.
Example number three. You left your abusive marriage, I think my wife would have told people I was abusive. Even though I never was. N.E.X.T.
Example number four. So you are a visual artist. You know I am very visual, us men are visual beings. N.E.X.T.
The others with their deer in the headlight stares when I told them I am a visual artist and I have 4 kids. N.E.X.T.
It was a good experience and I did exchange phone numbers and email addresses with a lovely lady that I talked to while waiting on the men. The ratio was in the mens favor, 7 men for 12 women.
Example number one. There were questions on the table that you could ask. I choose "If you were an animal in the wild what would you be?" After much thought the man said 'a honeybee". N.E.X.T.
Example number two. The man said there were three of us boys and it is a surprise that my mom is still sane we were such dicks. N.E.X.T.
Example number three. You left your abusive marriage, I think my wife would have told people I was abusive. Even though I never was. N.E.X.T.
Example number four. So you are a visual artist. You know I am very visual, us men are visual beings. N.E.X.T.
The others with their deer in the headlight stares when I told them I am a visual artist and I have 4 kids. N.E.X.T.
It was a good experience and I did exchange phone numbers and email addresses with a lovely lady that I talked to while waiting on the men. The ratio was in the mens favor, 7 men for 12 women.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Alive
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Eleanor Roosevelt
US diplomat & reformer (1884 - 1962)
I was talking to a friend recently that has been doing new different things in his life. He told me that he truely feels alive when he is stretching himself to the limits. Doing one thing every day that scares me has been a great way to feel alive. I want to live and FEEL alive.
Eleanor Roosevelt
US diplomat & reformer (1884 - 1962)
I was talking to a friend recently that has been doing new different things in his life. He told me that he truely feels alive when he is stretching himself to the limits. Doing one thing every day that scares me has been a great way to feel alive. I want to live and FEEL alive.
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