Friday, November 27, 2009


“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Quote by Marianne Williamson is from her book, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3 (Pg. 190-191).

It is my duty to let my light shine in order to liberate others. My goals, dreams and desires all boil down to motivating others to reach for their highest. So I have to liberate myself from my fears first.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


I went to The Jay Garment Antique Mall in Portland Indiana last Friday. Just to walk around get some exercise and look and see what they had. Which is EVERYTHING! I passed by childhood memories just amazed.

I had given all my "stuff" away in April of this year. Keeping a few treasures for myself. Knowing that I wanted to travel light.... very light. While talking to people as I have been traveling I have discovered they are very afraid to get rid of their "stuff'". They say "what if I need it later?" I say and can prove that there is a whole wide world out there full of MORE "stuff" out there.

If you want old "stuff" there are antique malls galore, flea makets in nearly every town, garage sales, rummage sales. "Stuff" "Stuff" everywhere. If you want new "stuff" there are stores and more stores. In the bountiful U. S. of A. there is no lack of "stuff".

There is no need to hoard "stuff".  Everywhere I go....I find everything I need is there already. If and when I decide to "settle" down in one place I now I can go to the antique malls and get any of the old "stuff" I have given away. I can go to the multitude of stores and get any new "stuff" I would choose to have. There is an abundance of "stuff" in the world.

Monday, November 23, 2009


Sunrises and sunsets what is so breath taking about them? What is so visually appealing about them? I have had the honor of studying them on the west coast, east coast, and in the midwest of the United States, as well as in the Carribean these past 6 months. What comes to me over and over is the contrast. The light and dark meeting.

I remember my drawing teachers saying to me "darker...darker...make the dark darker". "Lighter lighter make the light lighter". It is the contrast that make the drawing pop. Next time you see a picture that you just love look for the light and dark see if there is a major difference between them.

This contrast is repeated in life. Good and bad, negative and positive, ying and yang. I keep thinking if we don't have experiences in life how can we compare and decide what we like. When people tell me "I don't like_____" I ask how do you know? Have you tried it? That is why we try different things, that is why we date different kinds of people. We need to weed out what works for us and what doesn't. Take chances, seek out experiences that can show you the contrast.

When you have something "good" or "bad" in your life let the contrast allow your life to be the breath taking picture it is meant to be.

Sunday, November 22, 2009


6 years ago today my 18 year old son Andrew was killed in an auto accident. It has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. One of the things that has made it easier to talk about it is simply talking about it. On this journey I am on I have met some very awesome people. When sharing my life I have been able to talk about my son dying and the art therapy I did after it. It has not made the hurt any less it has just allowed it to be easier for me to talk about it. One of my friends thought I should be doing some sort of helping people through their grief.

I have dealt with death even before I was born. My brother who was born 2 years before I was died when he was 11 days old from birth defects. My mom said she took really good care of herself when she was pregnant with me due to this fact. My parents were grieving for a son my whole life. I did not understand this in its depth until my son died. I understand much more the reasons for their actions while I was growing up.

When I was around 12 my grandfather died. I remember being so upset that I was pounding my head on the kitchen floor saying "he probably thinks I don't love him because I did not go visit him the last time my family did". Oh course looking back on that it seems like a silly thing to think. But at the time it was very real to me.

The best way I can explain how my heart felt when my son died was an explosion. It completely exploded the pieces were scattered and I don't know if I will ever find all the pieces or if I will ever be able to put them back together. Oh course it will NEVER be the same. I was completing a bachelors degree in paychology at the time. I was blessed with having counselors I could talk to and a therapy group. I will share in future blogs the steps I have taken since then on my journey of deep grief.