Grief

6 years ago today my 18 year old son Andrew was killed in an auto accident. It has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. One of the things that has made it easier to talk about it is simply talking about it. On this journey I am on I have met some very awesome people. When sharing my life I have been able to talk about my son dying and the art therapy I did after it. It has not made the hurt any less it has just allowed it to be easier for me to talk about it. One of my friends thought I should be doing some sort of helping people through their grief.

I have dealt with death even before I was born. My brother who was born 2 years before I was died when he was 11 days old from birth defects. My mom said she took really good care of herself when she was pregnant with me due to this fact. My parents were grieving for a son my whole life. I did not understand this in its depth until my son died. I understand much more the reasons for their actions while I was growing up.

When I was around 12 my grandfather died. I remember being so upset that I was pounding my head on the kitchen floor saying "he probably thinks I don't love him because I did not go visit him the last time my family did". Oh course looking back on that it seems like a silly thing to think. But at the time it was very real to me.

The best way I can explain how my heart felt when my son died was an explosion. It completely exploded the pieces were scattered and I don't know if I will ever find all the pieces or if I will ever be able to put them back together. Oh course it will NEVER be the same. I was completing a bachelors degree in paychology at the time. I was blessed with having counselors I could talk to and a therapy group. I will share in future blogs the steps I have taken since then on my journey of deep grief.