Below is what I used at the Domestic Violence shelter when I worked there. I thought this could be translated to a mother/adult child relationship. One of my goals for 2010 is to strengthen my relationship with my children. Let me use the tools I know to accomplish this.
CHARACTERISTICS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Let's you be yourself.
Let's you be together as a couple(mother/adult child), but without you losing your sense of self.
Brings out the postivie qualities of your partner (adult child) and yourself.
Invites growth in each other.
Encourages each other's self-sufficiency.
Appreciates what the other person does for them.
Respects the need, when and if it arises, to end the relationship.(not going to happen in my lifetime, space yes but the relationship will not end!)
Does not attempt to change or control you or your partner(adult child).
Allows you to say how you feel at the time you feel it.
Let's you express feelings without fear of your partner's(mother's/adult child's) reaction.
Welcomes closeness and risks vulnerablilty.
Affirms equality of yourself(mother) and partner(adult child).
Accepts limitations of yourself (adult child) and partner (mother).
Feels the freedom to express needs.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT! In a Mother/Adult Child relationship!
To be treated with respect
To be responsible for your own life
To be listened to and taken seriously
To have and express your own feelings
To feel happy, satisfied and at peace
To take care of your body, mind and spirit
To make mistakes
To ask for information and/or help from others
To say "no" without feeling guilty
To relax, to let go, to "do" nothing
To set your limits
To have healthy relationships or change relationships
To choose NOT to assert yourself