Monday, February 7, 2011

My Needs Are Always Provided For

My needs are always provided for.

I really believe this affirmation for my physical needs. Recently it was put to the test for my emotional ones.

I have made some decisions for myself about setting boundaries and sticking to them. This has not been an easy thing for me.

When the test came to establish the line, my heart hurt but I knew it was the best for me. "NO" why is that such a hard word to say? I said it! Now the real test sticking to them. I really wanted to be like the Coke commercial I had just seen recently. Two guards walking back and forth along the "line in the sand". One decides to share a bottle of Coke with the other. He sits down the bottle and draws a line around it, then the other guard erases the line on his side. The motto is " Open Happiness". REALLY? Could I modify the line and remain happy? NO!

Thrust into a situation where the NO had to remain a NO. My heart ached. My body revolted in stomach pains that made me feel like I could vomit at any time. My head hurt and my eyes were weepy. I wanted to scream and throw my body on the floor, pounding my fists and kicking my legs in a full fledged temper tantrum. Since that is not appropriate behavior for a 47 year old woman in public I decided to try and recenter myself through writing it out. I flipped open my phone to the notes section. Since this  acceptable in public and it was the only thing I had to write with. I stopped and read the note that was staring me.

"YOU are seen! YOU are KNOWN! YOU are loved!" SARK

Tears stung my eyes, THAT was the issue here. The tantrum that I wanted to throw was about "I need some attention here!" "What about me?" The universe lovingly provided my needs once again.

Repeating those words helped bring me back to center. They did not CHANGE the situation, they simply CHANGED my view about it!

Later, still aching from the stings of my decisions, I got in the shower and turned the radio up loud, so no one could hear me and sobbed uncontrollably. I just can't do this! Again I felt all alone, almost as if I was invisible. I had no one with whom I could share this heartache with. Then the miracles came, 3 blasts from the past. Friends who I had not talked to in a long time, 2 called me and 1 wrote me. The words were the same basically. "I remember the fun times we had." YOU are seen!  "I just thought about you."  YOU are known!  "I love you!" YOU are loved! 

After the 3rd one I looked up to the sky, with gratitude, I said "I must be pretty bad off if you need to send me 3 messengers." THANK YOU!
When I get that urge to call someone, I want to listen, and do it. Who knows what words of encouragement they need from me.

YOU are seen. YOU are known. YOU are loved. SARK

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