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Don obit

Donald Clark Donahue Obituary 2023 - Hamlett-Dobson Funeral Homes hamlettdobson.com

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Lisa

2021 Meeting Attendance

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Lisa

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Lisa

Gatorade Bottle

Since embarking on this latest adventure of mine beginning May 1, 2013, I have house/puppy sat, delivered and retrieved friends from the airport, created art, camped out in a hospital waiting room with a friend whose mother was gravely ill (she recovered!), ventured to Florida, attended a wedding and a funeral, visited friends and family, swam and ate a lot of ice cream (shhh....), as well as cleaned and painted houses. It can be sometimes a bit scary not knowing what my next step will be. I have put my trust in listening to my intuition to guide me to be exactly where I need to be.

Last weekend after house/puppy sitting for my friend in Muncie I was headed to assist in a couple of projects for a friend in Illinois. About 10 miles NE of Indianapolis I was caught up in traffic for road construction. I began to doubt if I had made the correct choice in leaving when I did. A white car pulls up beside me and a guy rolls down his window to ask me if I have an empty Gatorade bottle. I just laugh and tell him no, knowing that I was not the only one who needed to pee in this slow long line. About 10 minutes later I see the car pulled to the side of the road and two little kids climb out of the backseat into the ditch. I have been there with my kids when they were young. I begin to think of the stories I could embellish about the car pulling up beside me asking for the Gatorade bottle. This helps keep my mind off my need for a bathroom and gives my imagination a chuckle.

After finally getting through the traffic I pull off on an exit to get fuel and use the restroom. Walking into the gas station I become aware of a lady with a cane who appears upset standing right outside the entrance. I notice a couple talking to her and figure out from their conversation that she has locked her keys in the car. I ask if she would like be to call my roadside service card to have them come unlock it for her. She thanks me and tells me that she has someone on the way to help. I relieve my bladder and pay for my gas. Walking out of the store to pump the fuel the guy asks how long do I think it would take for my roadside service to get there. I tell him it depends on how busy they are. I become aware that the lady is having a difficult time standing and see a walker in the back of her silver 2007 PT Cruiser. I begin moving cases of water in front of the Speedway on Rockville road and make a seat for her. She informs me that she has called a locksmith. I tell her to save her money and cancel them and I call my service. On my way back in the store to collect the money from my prepayment for gas that I could not pump into my car, the guy helping her hands me a piece of paper and asks if I would like a FREE GATORADE! Chills run up and down my body. Yes, I was on the right path at the right time. He had earned the Gatorade with his Speedy Rewards Card. I had also chosen to purchase gas at this Speedway for the rewards and an added bonus in August of winning gas for a year. The marketing people at Speedway know how to get me in there store. IMAGINE what I could do with gas for a year! But I digress from my story.

While we were waiting for the roadside service to arrive we share stories, laugh, cry and hug a few times. I don't remember the lady's name or the name of the couple who took time out of their Friday night to help her as well, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that their are lots of KIND people in the world.

"I think our legacy is really the lives we touch, the inspiration we give, altering someone's plan- if even for a moment- and getting them to think,rage, cry, laugh, argue, or walk around the block dazed. (I do that a lot after seeing powerful theater!)

More then anything, we are remembered for our smiles; the ones we share with our closest and dearest, and the ones we bestow on a total stranger who needs it right  then, and God has put us here to deliver."

~Carrie Hamilton 12/05/1963-1/20/2002

from Carol Burnett's book "Carrie and Me"    

Use Your Glitter!

I have a deep LOVE of glitter. You might say I have an extensive "collection" of glitter. I also call it LOVE DUST. Over this past weekend I kept hearing "Use Your Glitter!" If I use it what will happen to my "collection"? Then I began to see that my glitter "collection" is very similar to my other "collections" namely my certifications, knowledge from books and life experience. I realized I need to use these "collections" as well. Because if I don't use my glitter "collection" HOW will I spread this LOVE DUST around. And if I don't use the certifications, knowledge from books and life experiences HOW and I going to spread that LOVE around as well? Oh I plan on replenishing the glitter and keep on experiencing life in various ways but I AM GOING TO USE MY GLITTER!!!! Stay tuned!!!!

The BIG Picture

"Just trust that everything is unfolding the way it is supposed to. Don't resist. Surrender to what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. Great things are waiting for you around the corner." -Sonia Ricotti

Seriously?!?! That was my first thought as my car wouldn't shift gears last Sunday on my trip home from my weeks vacation.

Oh, but everything was perfect! I was less then 10 miles from my friends house where I had spent the past few days. I was on a decline and was able to pull my car into a shady, parking space by Lake Charleston. My AAA gold card allows for 3 free tows every year so I was covered there! My friend suggested an inexpensive, reputable auto repair place.

I am unsure of everything that is unfolding through this but I am relaxing in the fact that it is for my highest good! After three days of calling about the status of my car, it is fixed! Seems my transmission filter had rusted through and all the fluid leaked out. $109.75 repair bill.

Meanwhile back on the work front, I missed three days of work, no PTO time left. I am informed that this is an automatic write up and that I won't be getting paid for the days missed even though I am salary. I don't understand this policy but I am trusting that this is for my highest good as well!

When all is out of my "control" I simply "trust" in the perfection of the BIG picture that I can't see with my limited view! What I do know is that I was "gifted" from the UNIVERSE 3 additional days off work and tons of insight to my current position!


All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation, only good will come. I am safe. Life is good. I live in the abundance of good things. I have all that I need. I have more then enough.I release fear. I let go of doubt. I accept prosperity. I am confident and successful in all that I do. I share the abundance of good in my life. I am rich in thought, word, and deed. My prosperity benefits me. My prosperity benefits others. I am worthy. I deserve the best. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams. All the treasures of the Universe are mine. I am prosperous and successful. My life is full of richness and love. I achieve my heart's desires. ~ Louise Hay

Breaking "Rules"

      “Well-behaved women rarely make history”~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

A few weeks ago I was sitting at the beach thinking about all the swimming "rules" I was taught as a kid that I was breaking...

1. Don't swim alone (have a buddy).
2. Don't go out past the ropes.
3. Don't use floatation devices.
4. Don't swim right after you eat.
5. Don't be in the sun without sunscreen.
6. Don't be out in the sun between 1:00pm and 2:00pm

... and wondering what other "rules" I have developed in life do I need to be breaking? Because right now breaking these "rules" seems pretty NICE!

"Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women." ~Nora Ephron

Birth, Life, Death

  “When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.” ~Buddha

​How do you decide on which story to tell about your life? I see the stories in my life as this huge tapestry woven together with golden threads. To extract only one story you will see golden tendrils hanging down from the side that leads you to the next story. ​I stand in awe at the love and care the UNIVERSE has for me. Down to the smallest detail!

Everything has worked out for my highest good. I have been placed at the exact spot with the exact people and experiences I need. I believe we get to choose what life lesson we want to work on when we come to earth. For me this time here I believe I have chosen to learn about the Birth, Life, Death cycle.

​I was born to grieving parents. My brother two years older then I lived 11 short days on earth. He was born on December 18th, 1961 and transitioned on to a different plane December 29th, 1961. Looking back I have to wonder at every Christmas and New Years exactly what must have my parents have been going through. Christmas was always made very special for us 6 kids by my mom. I know it was her favorite holiday. She would plan all year for this holiday. At my dads funeral my mom’s best friend when she was growing up shared with me a memory she had of my mom and Christmas. My mom was an only child and after she would open her presents she would rush to this friend’s house to share in the excitement of their Christmas in her large family.

We still celebrate in the tradition my mom created with a huge celebration at a motel swimming, laughing and eating for a whole weekend! My brother was buried on New Years Eve. My mom always went to bed early that night. I could not understand at the time why she would not want to stay up and celebrate with us. My mom talked very little about her grief with my brother. Once she did share that she thought it was easier on her losing him as a baby then it would have been if he was older.

When she was laying in the hospital in Richmond IN dying of leukemia at the age of 62 she wrote all of us letters to be opened after her funeral. In mine she wrote “I remember taking the best care of me and my baby because I had lost Baby Chris.” 36 years after he died and on her death bed he was still heavy on her mind.

​My maternal grandmother died at the age of 65 and my mom at the age of 62. I was 33 when my mom died. It made me reflect on my life and all that I did not like about it. I decided that if my life was already half over then I did not want to continue living it the way it was. So I began the CHANGE.

​I had two dreams where my then husband and I were in a vehicle with my two youngest children, Bethany and Alex. We went off the edge into water. I was able to rescue my kids from drowning both times but could not save my husband. I knew it meant my two oldest kids would not be going with me either. So the tough decision to get a divorce was made.

​I had been a teacher of children at the different churches we had attended for the past 19 years. I loved teaching kids. My pastor at the time came to where I worked and told me that since I was getting a divorce and divorce was a sin I was no longer allowed to teach at church. My view of religion was dropped on the floor and shattered.

​Having been married at the age of 18 and then married for 18 years. I was very scared to make this step but I knew I had to. I needed to “save” my children. It was not an easy decision and I tell everyone “divorce is hell” no matter what the circumstances that it takes place with. My oldest son Mark had recently found out he was going to be a father so he decided to stay with his dad when I went onto hiding until I felt it was safe for me to return. My son Andrew also decided to stay. He never liked change of any kind. My two youngest children ventured with their mom to various places until the judge ordered my soon to be ex-husband out of our house.

​Our house was sold and I moved to another one in the same town for a year. I felt like I had just been let out of prison and I was enjoying all the freedoms I had never had before. It was a fun, crazy time that I would not trade for anything. But that time is one of those golden tendrils that lead to a multitude of stories that I do not have time to share here. Maybe one day in a saucy novel, names changed to protect the innocent!!!!

​I had decided to return to college to finish my bachelor’s degree in Psychology. I wanted to use my art and psychology in art therapy. One of the guys that I was dating at that time was a tremendous help. Listening and reflecting wisdom back to me. I had been debating moving to Muncie where my college was at or driving back and forth. I didn’t know if I should up root my kids, and change jobs. He told me to follow my heart and showed me that my kids make friends very easily. ​I headed to Muncie! Not sure when I decided this if I would have a job, or a place to stay. It all worked out perfectly, we received a 3 bedroom family apartment in campus housing and I transferred to the Wal-Mart there, the same amount of pay with fewer responsibilities. So began the journey of a single mom, attending college full time and working full time. ​In retrospect I can see that the UNIVERSE wrapped its loving arms around me.

New Years Eve 2000/2001.
I was waiting on this same guy friend to come so we could go to a party with my sister. He was late and he wasn’t answering his phone. I was getting pissed! Finally the phone rang. But on it was my dad telling me my 15 year old daughter had been in an accident and they were flying her by helicopter to Ft. Wayne. Wow if my friend had come and we would have gone to the party I would not have been home to get this phone call. When I arrived at the hospital they would not let me see my daughter until the chaplain came to take me. What? I was sitting there in the emergency room waiting area, watching the ball drop on the television in Times Square.  I looked at my friend Barb and said “I can’t do this. I can’t bury my daughter.” When I was allowed back to see her she was strapped to a board and covered in blood, she had multiple fractures and almost every internal organ was damaged. She was conscious, I leaned over her face and she said to me “Mom, if anything happens just remember I love you.” Then she looked at the emergency workers taking care of her and said “Damn it, I told you to get me something to drink!” We all laughed and I knew she was going to be okay. She spent the next 10 days in extensive care and months at home recuperating. The details of this event are also another golden tendril hanging from the side of this story.

​November, 2003
“I am going to the store to get you some groceries but I don’t know what to buy.” My friend Wendy said to me. “Just follow your spirit, you will know.” This sentence slipped past my lips with such ease I knew the words were not my own.  She returned a little while later and placed the bags on the table. She reached into one and walked toward me “I had to get these for you.” She gently placed some pears in hands. Tears began to flow freely down my cheek. My mind flashed back to my sister saying the same thing to my son Andrew at our family Christmas gatherings. Pears were his favorite. He had died in an auto accident a few days before this at the age of 18. This was the reason my friend was buying groceries for me. When my sobbing slowed down Wendy told me the story of why she had bought the pears. She once heard a story about a person who had died and gone to heaven. Walking the streets of gold which ran by a flowing river on the way to the throne of G-d, there are beautiful trees with succulent fruit on them that you must eat to nourish yourself. Being in the presence of G-d was so powerful that you needed extra strength. “I always imagined that fruit was pears, I know you will need extra strength to get you through this.” ​Just HOW was I going to get through this? Could I ever breathe normal again? Could I attend class? Could I go to work? Could I care for my other kids, Alex, Bethany and Mark? Alex the one who received the phone call about his brother in the middle of the night and at the age of 15 had to break the news to his mother. Bethany had recently turned 16, who spiraled down into a seriously deep grief that required extensive care. Mark, almost 21, who was still in a brace from the fractures he received in his neck and back a couple of months previous in a truck accident. ​If I withdrew from college we would have to move and that would be another major uprooting for everyone. I was able to take a leave from work for an extended period of time. I never did return to that job. My professors were understanding and allowed for me to complete the semester without attending class. Only one class did I take an incomplete in and finish later.

​January classes began. The UNIVERSE had orchestrated that I had classes 5 days a week beginning each day at 8 am. I had to get up and get dressed every morning. I had a light load with only 4 classes this semester. Since I was a student at Ball State University I was able to go to individual counseling for free and to a support group for non-traditional female students.

​In my Foundations of Art II class we were assigned a project by our professor Mary Jo Anderson. It was a 3 piece clay project that was progressive. I chose a pear for the first step of mine. I beat the hell out of that clay. Pounding and pounding it on the table. Working my hands in the coolness of this clay brought into my classroom from the earth. When clay is fired in the kiln the air bubbles work out with the possibility to burst the piece if you are not careful to get them out. Usually you hollow something out so this does not happen. I had not really thought about this until after this huge solid pear I had created came out of the oven. I still chuckle thinking it could have exploded in the kiln if I had not worked my frustration out on that poor clay! ​My second piece was just as big and solid with a loop in the neck of the pear. The third piece became what I see as the seed of the pear all rotten with new shoots of green growth coming from it. I named these three pieces Birth, Life, Death. The perfect pear is Birth. The second one that is all loopy and deteriorating is Life. The third one where the pear has transitioned to a seed, where new growth has begun, is Death.

My project was to chosen to be displayed in the student art show on campus by my professor. The name of the show was called BEGINNINGS. On the cards for the show was the word BEGINNINGS. The photos taken of my project were filling out the letter G and S.Restoring my heart through art!

​I also used this project and the lessons I learned though the process of completing it to finish up the one incomplete class I had. It was in Cognitive Psychology that required us to do a power point presentation, where I was able to use the colorful pictures of the pieces. Mine was on the Osborn-Parnes Creative Problem Solving Model developed by Alex Osborn and Sidney Parnes.

It began with this quote
​Imagination is more important then knowledge.” ~ Albert Einstein

I demonstrated how I applied the six steps of Creative Problem Solving to resolving my problem of the death of my son and my grieving.
• Step 1 is Objective find. Search for the issue that needs to be tackled. For me that was learning to cope with the loss of Andrew.
• Step 2 is Fact-finding. Gather information about the issue. For me that was how to deal with loss. HOW?
• Step 3 is Problem-finding. Convert the problem onto a statement that is productive for idea finding. For me this was converting the loss into a positive. Death generates new life.
• Step 4 is Idea-finding. Generate as many ideas as possible. For me this was working the clay to convert this loss into a positive. POSITIVE!
• Step 5 is Solution-finding. Select from the ideas generated the best idea. For me this was finding the best way for ME to cope with my loss. BEST!
• Step 6 is Acceptance-finding. Decide how the best idea that was selected can be put into action. For me this putting the best solution into ACTION.  Birth, Life, Death is a cycle.

The restoring my heart through art project the UNIVERSE had so graciously given me had helped me to creatively problem solve my grief. Through the “death” of the pear comes the seed which generates new life. Through the death of my mother it created the change in me to be at college which was the place I needed to be to work through the grief of my son. While it did not completely prepare me for Andrew’s death, sitting in those hospital chairs, waiting on the chaplain to take me back to see my daughter, I had a glimpse into the thought and feelings that it would generate.

​“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” ~Robert Anderson

​While I have had many pear stories and I am still getting them, I would like to share just one with you. I had been staying with my sister in Lafayette for a multitude of reasons. Wanting my own place I put out into the UNIVERSE through a goal rock I painted with this desire. While waiting for a friend to get home from work I was sitting in his yard looking up at the trees and thought I want a place that has trees in the yard. My dad had a stroke and I was going back and forth between Lafayette and Logansport to visit him in the nursing home that one of my sisters worked at that he was staying in. I passed by this little house that has a sign that said For Rent in the front yard. I stopped and checked it out. Not sure if I this was the place for me, I told them I would think about it. Let me tell you that this house haunted my every thought day and night. I decided it was where the UNIVERSE wanting me to be living for now.

The hot July day I moved into my Magic Cottage the air conditioner began smoking. I called the landlord and he came over to repair it. He noticed all the pear stuff I had that we were unloading from the boxes into the kitchen. He told me if you like pears you are really going to like the ones in your back yard. My sister and I looked at each other stunned. We followed him to where 2 huge majestic pear trees stood in the yard of my Magic Cottage. Another big hug from the UNIVERSE that loves me so much!

​I am learning to trust and lean into the warm embrace of the UNIVERSE! Listening and following my intuitive spirit in the path that is leading me toward my highest good!

My desire is to inspire others to reach for their highest good through creativity and humor.

You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone


I woke up this morning with the song "You Are Not Alone" going through my head. Then several different places on Facebook I saw that phrase this morning. An event came to my mind, when I was in California a couple of years ago. I had left Indiana on April 20th, 2009 with $334, and everything I owned in my little red 2003 Ford Focus. I was headed to a Mermaid Mixed Media workshop taught by Suzi Blu. Where I was going after that I didn't have a clue! I was going to let my intuition guide me! I would have my final check from my job deposited in my bank account in a couple of weeks so I would have some money in the future. My plan was to land wherever my money ran out or my car broke down.

 It is Saturday May 2nd, 2009, my cash is depleted, and my final check has not been deposited in my account yet. While hanging out on the beach everyday is not a bad thing, I have decided I want to take the train down to San Diego. I walked to the depot to see how much a ticket would cost, so I could plan when I got my money deposited. It was an automated system and there was an elderly lady trying to figure out how to get her ticket. I helped her read the instructions and purchase her ticket. While we were standing there talking waiting for the train we notice a sign that states the train will be there at 10am. She says "well shoot that will be too late for me to meet my friends. Would you like my ticket?" WOULD I !?!?!? squeal!! a~bun~dance! dance! dance! dance! 

I go to my car and pack some snacks for the day, since I dont have cash to buy anything to eat. Now to figure out the train and where I helped this lady purchase a ticket for "me" to go to!!!! Turns out I am going to Old San Diego and they are having a Cinco De Mayo festival! Lots of free music, food samples (I wouldn't have needed to bring my snacks after all! Just another step in me learning that The Universe Always Provides!)
When exiting the train in Old Town, 
I had checked the schedule and decided to leave on the last possible train back to my car! I wanted to soak up as much of this fun, positive energy as I could. Right before the next to last train was leaving I heard and felt that familiar nudging "go now" but... but... "go now" I wanted to stay, but learning to listen to and follow my intuition I knew it was for a good reason.

I went back to the train station and sat on the bench, pulled out "The Red Book" to read while I waited. I heard a voice, this time it came from a young girl. "That looks like an interesting book." I knew why I needed to take the earlier train. Her story goes something like this, 18 years old, in and out of foster care most of her life, has found the most comfort in doing art, back with mom but mom doesn't seem to want her there, headed to see her boyfriend, go to Disneyland, and looking for a job.

I tell her my story of how I landed in California and on that train that day. I could tell it touched her! I encouraged her to continue finding comfort in her art. She told me that she loved the purple bracelet I was wearing. Purple is her favorite color. I looked down at it and smiled! You see I had found this bracelet on the ground the last time I was in Chicago. I take it off and hand it to her, telling her the story of me finding it in Chicago, her eyes lit up "I have always wanted to go to Chicago" she gasps!

Often I wonder about Desiree, did she make it to Chicago yet? Is she finding comfort in her art? When she looks at that purple bracelet does she remember that "She Is Not Alone"?

If You Get the Chance I Hope You Just Laugh!

If You Get the Chance I Hope You Just Laugh!


Andrew David Huntsman 3/30/1985-11/22/2003 My son! Happy Birthday! Love and Miss you!



Knowing this day was coming up I decided to find a way to celebrate it in the style that Andrew would have wanted. As people walked through the line at the viewing for him, over and over I heard " He always made me laugh!" So this year I am going to LAUGH! Please join me! Find a reason to laugh in honor of Andrew's birthday!


"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry." Maya Angelou

Sharing my story!

I have had a "situation" in my life that I want "fixed'! I am so exhausted and have just wanted to "quit" EVERYTHING! I am in a place in my life where I see the spiritual world and physical world mixed together. I asked the spiritual world to just let me "quit" and lay down my physical body and "pass over" to the spiritual realm. I hear "just wait to see how this all plays out". So I guess the answer is I must keep on going. I want to see HOW it is going to play out! NOW!!!! I have never been known for my patience in waiting for things. I am the little girl (woman) who would sneak, gently pull the tape off the wrapping paper see what my present was, then put it back together, and under the tree. Once again I find the importance of sharing our stories with others, writing our stories down. I was reminded of one of the events that happened to me while I was in California. I found that journal entry and I am sharing parts of it with you. This story goes.... listen to your intuition... follow it... travel light.... it's about the climb... trust... share your story!


May 8, 2009

I am sitting on the coast of Big Sur smelling a wonderful fragrance and watching the waves crash against the rocks. I slept in my car at Andrew (M...) State Park. I washed up and shaved my legs in the bathroom. It felt wonderful. I stopped and ate breakfast of a ham and cheese quiche and coffee. It was so good. I took a cup of coffee with me and a chocolate chip cookie. When I went into the gift shop right before I ate I saw a picture (first thing) of three pears on a table over looking the water and mountains. I knew I was at the right place.

****

Last night I came down the coast in the dark. I was sad, I was missing the scenery in the day light. Then I listened to my spirit. "You only need to see what the headlights in front of you show." Okay I get it ! My journey will only be revealed by a little at a time I just need to follow the light. Travel light, be the light, spread the light. There is one more thing about the light but I forget it right now. I listened to a song by Miley Cyrus last night right before I embarked on this leg. It is called "The Climb" I am sure it is the song that Samantha was talking about. It's not the destination, it's not whats on the other side it is the climb.

****

I talked to (a friend) yesterday and she asked what I am going to do when the money ran out. That hurt a little and put a bit of a damper on my spirit. God didn't bring me here to let me starve the Red Book said. I need to copy that down in my journal. It was so fitting when I read that part. When God tells you to go someplace GO and all will be provided for you. I have come to blossom and do what I am on this earth to do CREATE! CREATE! I do feel peaceful here. I need to create the "story" about the pear. Not sure what it will bring but I know it is a story I need to share.

****

I feel so blessed and grateful. I was suffocating before. I know I would rather risk it all and be a "starving artist" even starve to death. I know I won't starve but if I had to choose and I have chosen! This is the path for me. There is something magical here!

****


When I was writing that it is peaceful here and I need to share my pear story I saw a hawk flying around. I take that as a very good sign.

My Sassy Self is Back!

My Sassy Self is BACK!


December 31, 2001/ January 1, 2002

My daughter Bethany's Story

"Hey you want to go for a ride with us, in this van we stole?" My gut told me not to get in the van, but I did it anyway. The ride was so much fun even though the driver was only years 13 years old. The 3 of us took turns on our joy ride around the country side! I don't remember much for the next few days, you see by not listening to what my gut said I was in a serious van accident, flown by a helicopter to a major hospital and in intensive care for 10 days.

My version of what transpired those next 10 days.

My daughter Bethany was thrown from the van, receiving multiple injuries. The 2 "friends" who were with her thought she was dead and drug her body up under some pine trees to hide her. They walked for a couple of miles to get a way to come back and get her. Their plan was to throw her in the gravel pit so no would find her. Two angels were sent to find her before they got back. An EMT at the scene recognized her and called my dad. My dad called me and said Bethany was in a van wreck and she isn't doing very good they are flying her to Ft. Wayne.

Oh my God!

I went into action and preceded to get to Ft. Wayne as fast as I could. When I got there they would not let me go back to her until the chaplain got there to take me.

Oh my God!

As I sat there watching the ball drop in Times Square ringing in the New Year, thinking my 14 year old daughter was dead.

When I first saw her she was strapped down to a board with blood all over her. While she does not remember it, she said to me "Mom no matter what happens, just remember I LOVE YOU." I will remember!

Her next words were toward the people working on her "Damn it I said give me something to drink!" We all laughed and I knew then she was going to live!

I would not leave her side for days. Her internal organs were damaged and she had a skull fracture. They had decided to see if her body would heal itself without doing surgery. On her last day at the hospital they moved her down to the pediatric ward. I was exhausted, and went into a deep sleep on the couch there. That is until she woke me up and told me to QUIT SNORING SO LOUD. Sassy music to my ears!
It took weeks of rehab and rest but she is recovered, almost completely, she has scars for life and hearing loss. She does not blame the kids she was with, it was her decision to get in the van that day. The best thing she received from this is to listen to her gut, listen to her intuition.

FAST FORWARD to recent events in my life!

I had the chance to get in the "van" of what I thought was the "cool kid" van! My gut said "don't do it!" But did I listen? NO I DID NOT!

I got in the "cool kid" van and had a ton of fun on this joy ride I knew I was not suppose to be on. That is until it wrecked and I was thrown from it and drug up under the trees left for dead!

I have spent the past 2 years traveling around the country with everything I own in my car! Packing and unpacking as I went from place to place! I have traveled with my 3 piece pear project that I did out of clay while I was in college. It was my art therapy after my 18 year old son Andrew died in an auto accident. I named it BIRTH, LIFE and DEATH. One time when I was leaving this "cool kids" house, they said I could leave some of my stuff there if I did not want to put everything back in my car. Whew that was a relief! Only thing was when I came back, I found that the piece I had named LIFE was BROKEN! They had some construction done and my stuff was moved and in the process my LIFE was broken! After all the traveling, packing, unpacking it broke where I thought it was SAFE!

I have spent days in "intensive care". Funny it is my daughter who has been by my side this time. I know after some rehab and rest I will recover, almost completely! There will be a permanent scar, I will never be the same, neither will my pear project. I do not blame the "cool kids" it was my decision to get in that van. The crack and glue will be a reminder to me to listen to my gut. To listen to my intuition.

My Sassy Self is Back to! I have been very cautious about what I have said for too long, I did not want to "offend" anyone! But in the process I was not being true to myself. My desire is to be my AUTHENTIC self, and it feels really GOOD!

What are you afraid of?

What are you afraid of?
 
Recently I talking to my sister about my desire to hold workshops for people. My vision a couple years earlier that I shared with the leader of the singles group was to have them for the singles. I thought my sister and her husband could lead the one on finances because they were following the Dave Ramsey program and had turned that part of their life around. Also another one I thought of my other sister and her husband could do would be about marriage. They have one of the best relationships I have seen and they were doing the Fireproof program. I told my sister I think mine would be on Creative Problem Solving. She stopped me and said I think yours should be on FEAR. You show people how "not to be afraid". Yeah, she was right. I just want to ask people when they are telling me their problems. "What are you afraid of?" I see so much FEAR in people. I get scared sometimes but I do it anyway! I got to thinking that I need to write a blog about this. The morning pages that follow is an example of one time I was scared, did it anyway and the awesome story that I have to tell from it. Forgive some of the grammar, these are streams of thought that really aren't suppose to be shared with anyone, but I just had to! Leading up to this entry I had been in Portland Oregon. I left my new art friends house with 1/4 tank of gas and 50 cents on June 1st. Staying in rest areas until I needed to just get this FEAR of "what is next?" over with.
 
 
 
June 4, 2009
Yesterday was very eventful. I was sitting at a rest area in Oregon. I was reading the book "A Million Little Pieces" and crying about what I was going to do about my gas and money situation. I said God if you want me to stay here fine I will, but I really think I am suppose to go see Casey. If you want me to go to Sacramento then you are going to have to figure out how to do that. I hear "focus on the end that you want NOT how to get there." I start seeing my gas tank full and the book I am writing, being on the Oprah show and living in my beautiful house by the ocean. I feel the urge to move. I have been driving for 82 miles with the gas light on and before I was able to drive 90 miles before I ran out. I just think I need to get this over with. I am going to drive south as far as I can go and see what happens. I drive to the next exit to see if I can find an ATM machine. I can't find one so I drive on and see a Credit Union. I check my balance and it says $7.06 in there so I can take $2.06 out. But the machine only gives out in $20. Okay I am back on Interstate 5 headed South. I am South of Eugene and I know I am getting close to being out I pray and say "you know God you could just keep my tank full like you did by keeping oil in the lamp for the Israelites." I know also I need to consider all my options. I start checking for mile markers. It runs out at mile marker 184 South of Eugene Oregon. Another 8 for me. I call AAA and wait for them to come and bring me gas. I am told they bring 5 gallons. Well 5 gallons will get me a little bit closer to California I think. The guy comes and only puts what looks like 1 1/2 gallons in. I know that won't work because I have run out of gas before and it took more gas to get my car started. He says it is probably something else and he can tow me up to 100 miles. I smile and say okay. Inside I am thinking that much closer to California. I am thinking "Slumdog Millionaire" I have been through this before I know the answer. I am not scared. I know there isn't anything wrong with my car it just needs more gas. That is a simple fix. Whoohoo gas and a tow A BUN DANCE!! I had been listening to a radio station of positive uplifting music. That is how they market it. Something like we play happy music to make you feel good. Wish I could remember the song I heard but I can't right now. But I sang along feeling good. Well the guy Craig, tries to let them tow me to Grants Pass but it is about 20 miles  past where AAA will pay. He says it will cost me $80. I tell him just take me as far as they will pay I don't have money to pay the extra. While we are driving and talking I am having a good time someone to talk to. He is very intelligent and funny. He brings up politics and religion and how he has traveled the country and realizes that politics and religion are everywhere and how can so many people have such different religions. How can it be true? He says religion is just believing in a higher power. Something higher then yourself. I agree so agree. I tell him my story or some of it. I tell him my baby turned 21 and he is shocked he says he never would have guessed me to have a 21 year old. I tell him my oldest is 26. In the course of time I figure out he is 34. We talk about our fun divorces. He says his is a 10 year prison sentence that has cost him $364,000. Oh wow mine is less.  He tells stories from his job. He says he works a lot and does not get to see his two kids much they are 10 and 11. I had picked a flower along the road and have it on my lap and it is shriveling. He says your flower is getting smaller. I said I have it to cheer me up maybe I should have left it beside the road. He says no you just took its water source away from it. BINGO that is me. I shrivel when you take my water source away from me. We talk about my car, he says it might be the fuel pump. I know it isn't but I let him talk. Then he says it could be the fuel shut off. Did you hit a bump? I say I don't know. I said maybe it just needs more gas. He said maybe. We pull into Roseburg and he is going to try it one more time and check the fuel shut off. He had left the key on and the car was dead so he has to jump it. It still won't start he says he will put 2 more gallons in and see. It starts! He says it is my lucky day. Yes, yes, yes, indeed! I get towed over 60 miles and almost 4 gallons of gas. I could almost make it back to the California border. I go to the bank that is close by and pretend like I am going to get some money out. TOO funny! I come back and he is standing at the bathroom. I go to the bathroom too. I left my flower in the truck for him. He also said something very cool about my car starting. He said do you think it will start? I say yes! He says do you hope it will or do you really believe it will? I tell him I believe in the law of attraction. I am believing. Also all morning I had been saying "Look my gas tank is full!" Well I "hear" that I need to go to a pawn shop and sell my jewelry to at least get a tank of gas. I look around and don't see any. I see a JC Penney, JoAnne's and Michael's I decide to go walk around and in them to see if I can "find" any money anyone has dropped. Any little bit will help. I walk that way and see a Western Oregon Jewelry store with a sign that says they will buy gold and silver. Whoohoo! I almost run back to my car to get my jewelry. I had been leaving pieces of it along the way for people to find. I had just left a pair of silver ones at a rest area that morning. I take the jewelry in and they are very nice saying at least I brought in more then most. I am happy to be rid of the past jewelry. I keep my secret ring that Cindy had got me and my bracelet from Paris from Tina and the earrings that Penny gave me that are blue. He probably wouldn't have bought them from me anyway. I have decided to only keep my favorites. Oh I forgot the really cool thing I had separated the gold out earlier in my journey when I pulled the bag out it felt heavy I opened it and had $3.50 in quarters in it. I was so excited. I talked to the lady and guy and told them my story. She says she is 46 and doing the same thing changing careers. Packing up and going to culinary school. He says he joined the carnival when he was a teenager. She says yeah but you became a cop after that. She said he doesn't like to talk about that part. He said because I hated that job! I say and now you are a jeweler. He is separating out the pieces. He offers me $85 for it. I am ecstatic about it! I had just won the lottery, I get to go to Sacramento. I get to go back to California! WhooHoo! I have a full tank of gas and some money. I know he probably did not give me a fair price I had opals, diamonds and other gems with the silver and gold but I don't care I was giving it away along my journey anyway. When I am leaving them I tell them I am writing a book about my journey. So one day when they pick up a book called "7 Jars of Peanut Butter" that's me! She says and we will be in it. I say yes. Then I ask them for a card. I am jumping and skipping and dancing all the way back to my car. A BUN DANCE! I fill my car up then head south. The gas attendant says INDIANA? What did you have car trouble? Because he had see my car unloaded from the tow truck. (They pump your gas when you are in Oregon.) I say no "I just ran out of gas." When I am driving I keep singing "I have a full tank of gas and I have money. Thank you! Thank you!" I know you can't wipe the smile off my face. I don't think I am going to stop to pee until I get to California, but at one rest area there is a sign that says free coffee. I think that sounds good, I haven't had a cup for probably a week. I have been drinking my herbal tea which I know is good for me. They don't have coffee. Oh well I can buy me a cup in the morning 'cause I got money!!!! I drive through the beautiful mountain, they are just gorgeous. There is a thunder and lightning storm which is awesome as well. I don't know if I had ever been this close to the clouds when it was lightning. The cool clean crisp air and the scent of the pine trees when it rained. It was so much like a Christmas smell. When I get to California I am rejoicing. I stop at a rest area and at the back of it is a stream/river/water source running by it. I have found some water again. California has an inspection station when you come in. Crack me up. I wonder if any other state has that. That guy at the one rest area said that California is like its own country. The guy asked me if I had any animals or produce. I say apples and bananas in my cooler. He says apples are okay this time of year because they are coming out of cold storage. I ask him if bananas are okay? He says bananas are always okay because we are all bananas down here. I just laugh! Way too fun! I stop at a rest area near Sacramento. Actually about 90 miles North of it. It feels good to sleep I am so tired. I set my alarm for 8 hours because that is all you can stay in a rest area. I get up in the morning and head to McDonalds and get my coffee and sandwich. Usually you can get a sandwich for $1 but this McDonalds don't have it. I am very thankful for my coffee. When I get here the song "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus was playing. I met a fun group of ladies who were having coffee. I overheard one of them say something about Donahue. I asked them and the one lady said her Great Grandmother married a Donahue. He said he would take care of her Great Grandmother when her Great Grandfather died. She said she had 1/2 relatives who were Donahue. Way too cool! Way fun! She said she grew up on The Donahue Estates in San Francisco. Awesome! I need to explore San Francisco some more. What an awesome day I have in front of me! Explore! Explore! I tell the ladies bye and tell them I am writing a book about my travels called "7 Jars of Peanut Butter" They laugh and say are you on the 7th book yet? I tell them I probably have enough to write 7 books. The one says so you are not from Willis? I guess that is where I am at. She said I look very familiar. I get that a lot I say. The ladies say we pray for travelers everyday so you will be in our prayers. The one lady says if you come back and want to stay here we can probably find you some cheap rent. A BUN DANCE! Whoohoo! They asked me earlier where I was going to settle? I had told them wherever my car dies or I run out of money.

Pay It Forward Eddie!

I had an amazing Pay It Forward experience last night! The following is a note that I wrote last year. My Paying It Forward last night made me THANK Eddie again! I had pulled into a rest area to go to the restroom. When I was crossing the parking lot a car pulled up to me and the man said "Can I ask you a huge favor?" "I am almost out of gas and I am on my way to pick up my daughter." I am not sure if he was telling the truth or not but I really didn't care. It was my grandson's Pay It Forward day! I thought I will just give him the cash I have left in my pants pocket. I knew it was not too much. Reached into my pocket and pulled out a five and a one. $6.00!!!! The exact amount that Eddie had given me 7 months earlier for gas in my car. I smiled when I handed it to him and told him, people have Paid It Forward to me in gas, remember to do the same some day!

July 6, 2010

The Eddie's in this world!


Each and every day is an adventure in it self. With awe and amazement I watch as everyone of my needs are met on a daily basis. The Craig's List "free room" turned out to be a very negative situation for me so I loaded my car after 24 hours and head to the road again. With very little gas in my car and $1.50 to my name I did not know where this day would lead. I stopped at a Pilot station and filled up my thermos with their free ice. Did you know you can get free ice there? Just bring your own cup! I sat for a while pondering the map. I could see a rest area not far down the road, I like them they usually have clean restrooms, water and a shady area to "rest" under. Asking the Universe "WHAT's NEXT?" as I was munching on some cashews with a breeze blowing in the 90 some degree Indiana summer day, I receive an update to my phone from facebook. It said "Head west! Head west!". I thought way not? It was from my friend Lisa Hardwick. The plan was for me to come to her house for the weekend and go to a music festival this weekend, why not go a few days earlier? Oh yeah... I was about 90 miles from her house with only a couple of gallons of gas in my car. Off I go headed North West. About 30 miles from her house I hear that all familiar sputter sputter. I am out of gas on HWY 130 in Illinois, where there is not much of an area to pull to the side. To my amazement I was able to coast to this little gravel side road. I am off the road AND safe! Thank You Universe! Around the bend on the gravel road comes an old pickup truck pulling a trailer followed by a kid on a 4-wheeler. He asks if I need some help. I let him know I am out of gas and I only have about $1.50 to my name and I am trying to get to Charleston. Smiling he tells me to stay put, he lives just down the road and he will be back with some gas for me. When he returns he puts $6.00 in my hand and says that should get me to Charleston along with the 3 gallons he puts in my tank. I have more gas now then when I began the trip today! He tells me that he has been in my situation before and he feels that when you put good out into the world good comes back to you. I thank him and he reaches out his hand and says by the way I am Eddie. We need a world full of Eddies!

Trevor Andrew Huntsman's 4th Birthday!

Trevor Andrew Huntsman's 4th Birthday!

If when one leaves this plane there are not left behind hundreds of teary red eyes sobbing about the loss of that individual then why were they ever really here ?
Divinicus Alchemus Magicus

Tomorrow will be my grandson Trevor's 4th birthday. Preparing for this day ahead of time so that it does not catch me off guard. I decided to celebrate it in the style he would have wanted. Going in search of a cool hat! He LOVED hats! Going to find as many ways as possible to "Pay It Forward". Why don't you all join me in this celebration! Get a cool hat and find ways to "Pay It Forward" February 25th! The following is the blog of the letter I wrote to him shortly after his spirit transitioned on to new things! I feel his spirit all around me. Missing his smiling face, and determined ways!



Sunday, April 4, 2010
Memories of Trevor
I think when a loved one dies we become afraid that we will "forget". Not the person but all of those yummy moments we had with them. My granddaughters Taylor and Dakota wrote letters to their little brother Trevor Andrew Huntsman that were read at his funeral this past week. Trevor's Grandma Mary Jo also wrote a letter that was read. I thought how very nice what a way to remember.

Hi Trevor,
     Your life has touched many many lives in such a special way. Your mom was due for you on March 30th, 2007. Which would have been your Uncle Andrew's 22nd birthday. He had died in an auto accident in 2003 at the age of 18. Your mommy and daddy decided to name you after him. Your Aunt Bethany and I had been watching the movie "Pay It Forward" when Andrew died. Only recently had I been able to watch that movie again and guess what the little boys name in the movie is? Trevor! It just blew me away. The concept of the movie is to pay forward good deeds to three people without expecting anything in return. If everyone did that it would keep going forward to everyone in the world. What a way to lead our lives!
     Since you had the genetic disorder Myotonic Dystrophy you could not swallow the amniotic fluid very well and your mom went into labor for you very early. They were able to stop the labor. This enabled them to discover that you would need special care when you were born. On that Sunday evening February 25th 2007, they delivered you by cesarean section and immediately put you on a ventilator since you could not breathe on your own. My first sight of you was with tubes and wires hooked up to you everywhere. But you opened your eyes and looked at me with what I can describe as "soulful". It was the look that said "help me Grandma Lisa". Your mom and dad had to make such hard decisions for your 3 years of life. The doctors prognosis was that you would probably never be able to do anything on your own and that you would probably not have much mental ability.  You showed them! When visiting you one time in the hospital the nurse asked me if I wanted to hold you! My heart leapt with joy! It would be my first time. You were on a feeding tube so I can say it was my first time feeding you as well. I found out later that I was the first one to hold you other then mommy and daddy. How blessed I have been. (Of course you had your Chicago Bears onesie laid on you! Go Bears! I had to start the brain washing early! Aunt Penny had found it and bought it for you.)
     At the age of 5 months you were finally able to leave the hospital and come home to your family. While you were in Children's Hospital in Dayton OH you had your godparents Jackie and Bobby, who lived there, visiting and taking care of you when it was not possible for your mommy and daddy to be there. They loved and took great care of you. I rounded up a crew of people and supplies to redo your house in order for them to release you. Your whole house had to be redone. Bringing you home there had to be a separate electrical circuit, your bedroom could not be upstairs like it was planned. Walls were erected, everything was painted and cleaned. Food was stocked in the freezer. Many people who never met you helped with these tasks.
     Your daddy kept me updated on your every accomplishment. The first time you were off the ventilator, which was your first breathe. Oh how we celebrated! You always were very bright and alert. Following sounds and lights. I am a mermaid and always take all the kids swimming so I kept whispering in your ear, "Trevor you have to get better so Grandma Lisa can take you swimming. " The excitement on that December day I was able to take you in the motel pool at Donahue Christmas 2008.
     Your first birthday was celebrated at Trinity Lutheran church in Ft. Recovery when you, Taylor and Dakota were baptized. Your second birthday we celebrated at the skating rink in Winchester. They let us push you around in the umbrella stroller. You loved the lights and music and danced the night away! Your 3rd birthday I went to your moms house to give you your presents and you played with your remote control puppy and sunglasses. You did not want Grandma Lisa to leave. You never wanted anyone to leave without taking you with them. You were a guy on the move! You will forever be 3 in our hearts. How we celebrate your birthday next year I don't know right now. I have done the Polar Plunge to raise money for Special Olympics the past 2 years in Illinois in honor of your birthday! Burrr....but nothing like what your little body has endured.
     Your sisters loved you so much. Taylor is such an adult and learned all your care. She could suction your trach when it needed done. I remember last July 4th she was bagging you while your dad cleaned out your trach because your emergency bag was not supplied correctly. Dakota had dreams of marrying you. She is only 4 so the deepest love you can have for someone in her mind is marrying them.
     My last living memory I have of you is the weekend your little half brother Connor came home from the hospital which was 2 weeks before you died. Your mommy said you needed a haircut so your step-mommy Amber and cousin Michelle gave you a mohawk. It was so cute on you! I took several pictures of you with it and then blew bubbles on your tummy to hear your giggle. We discussed your little brother Connor and you patted his head and said "brother" "Connor". He will be so happy that you are his Big Brother. Your dad walked up and we said "dad" together. I asked you what your daddy name is and we said "Mark" together. What joy to hear that!
     You died at your dad's house on that early Sunday morning March 28th 2010. Your dad said you had been vomiting all day Saturday. All your stats were ok so he and your mommy did not think you needed to go to the hospital. You were not running a fever either. He said around 11 pm he checked on you before going to bed and your stat levels were all okay  and you were sleeping soundly with the pedialyte bag hooked up to you. He had kept you on the vent all day to help keep your energy level up. Around 2 am he heard the alarms go off and went in to check on you thinking you had just pulled out your trach like you had been doing lately. He said your body was stiff and cool to his touch. He ran in and told Amber to call 911 and he did CPR on you until the ambulance arrived. Your mommy and daddy had signed a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order on you when you were very little. Between sobs your daddy said when it came down to it that he could not do that he said he had to do everything he could to try and save your life.
     The viewing and funeral was a very hard thing for all those left here on earth. We know you are running, playing and laughing and just having fun right now but we miss you sooo much! Taylor did not want to leave you "alone" at the funeral home after the viewing. She just cried and cried when we were leaving. She loves you sooo much. As hard as it is for us adults to understand that your body is just a shell to house you in while you are alive. It is double hard for a 9 year old little girl to make sense of it.
     While we can no longer touch your body to gets hugs and sloppy wet kisses you are forever a part of our lives. Your spunk and joy of life gives us courage to keep going even when times are tough. If you can do what you did what excuse could we ever give? Life is good! Thanks for the memories little guy." Pay It Forward" we will indeed!
Love ya bunches,
Grandma Lisa

Wild Hair Woman

Having baby fine, wavy hair I have had difficulties keeping it under some sort of control for most of my life.

First memory of my hair is my Grandma Brown brushing it. She was in such a hurry and so rough that she brushed my ears. I remember the bristles scrapping the flesh which made me jump around. She scolded me that if I would keep it combed I would not be going through this right now.

I had a hard time understanding others who would not get their hair wet while we were swimming because they did not get their hair messed up. Hell, mine was messed up whether it was wet or not.

While traveling around for these past 2 years one of the difficult things is keeping my hair somewhat tame. On really wild hair mornings I like to show off my Phyllis Diller hairstyle, usually gets a good laugh! She is known for her wild hair, eccentric clothes and her laugh... hummm..... I might be on to something.

Just this week someone posted pictures of me on facebook from the Black Party I went to, I cringed a little bit at first when I saw them, my hair was a mess! Glad I could laugh and say oh well, who cares what your hair looked like, you had a great time. Look at yourself laughing and dancing and having fun. I received hugs from the people I had been dancing with on my way out the door, they did not care what my hair looked like either!

I have not always been that way, I refused to be in a sister picture just this past Christmas because I had morning hair!

In Brene Brown's book "I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power" she points out that Americans spent just under $12.5 billion on cosmetic procedures in 2004. (I wonder what it was in 2010?)

The $38 billion hair industry.
The $33 billion diet industry.
The $24 billion skincare industry.
The $18 billion makeup industry.
The $15 billion perfume industry.
The $13 billion cosmetic surgery industry.

"That's a whole bunch of folks depending on us to see and believe messages that sell the social-community expectations of appearance. If we don't believe we're too fat, ugly and old, then they don't sell their products, they don't make their house payments. The pressure is on!"

Getting back on track of finding my value in WHO I AM not what I look l like. Not sure how I got derailed but it feels good to get on that train again!

Chugga! Chugga! Choo! Choo! I am hanging my head out the window to catch the breeze!

Saving/Changing

Saving/Changing

"When we tell our stories, we change the world."
Brene Brown
"I Thought it Was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power"

My mom once told me "You can't save the whole world!". Well I was going to try anyway! I have had a strong magnetic pull for the underdog.

Recently while telling "my story" to a friend about the circumstances surrounding my divorce, one part that I revisited brought the flood of tears. At the time of the event I was calm, cool, and collected. Only now I realize that I did not "feel" that feeling at the time I felt it. So here I go again "feeling" it, working through it and then letting it go.
I grew up in a home where patriarchy ruled. While I know my dad was doing the best he knew how at the time I do not condone the controlling, abusive way he treated my mom. I remember standing between them when I was a little girl crying and begging my dad not to hit my mom. I followed those statistics, which says that it gets passed down from generation to generation. The man I was married to also was controlling and abusive.

After my mom died at the age of 62, I began examining my life very closely. Saw how much mine reflected hers. I was 36 years old, what if I only have 20 some years left to live? I don't want to live the remaining day of my life like this. Nor do I want my kids to continue this cycle.

I usually don't remember my dreams but I had two very vivid dreams that were basically the same. I was in a vehicle with my then husband and my 2 youngest kids. We went into some water, I was able to "save" myself and my kids but I could not "save" him.

When leaving a controlling abusive relationship, this can be the most dangerous time for the person leaving. I sold some stock I had where I worked and hired a lawyer. My lawyer instructed me to get out important things, hide weapons and don't tell my kids until the moment we were leaving. Between my sister and some friends I had a place to hide for a couple of weeks until we could get a court date.

The day arrived March 10th, 2000. I went to the elementary school and picked up my 2 youngest children and told them what we were doing. They seemed okay with it. They did not like the way their dad treated me. Then I drove to the high school to pick up my 2 oldest and told them what we were doing. They told me "Mom, we are not going with you." at the time I understood. My oldest son's girlfriend was pregnant so he was staying close to her. My second oldest son, didn't like change. The day of this event, I was okay with everything. Retelling this part I choked up and the tears stung my eyes. It was one of the more difficult parts of my divorce, leaving 2 of my children behind, I could not save them either. They were not part of my dream, so I should have known.

Eleven years later I can look back and know that I made the right decision.

I might not be able to save everyone in the world but maybe, just maybe, by telling my story I can change the world.